April 7, 2001

Tried to get online on April Fool's Day and came up with a big, fat nothing.  No boot up.  No internet.  No e-mail.  I immediately went into feverish spasms of e-withdrawl.  Seems my computer had contracted a virus of Taiwanese extraction, which came in with some Taiwanese Word-macro document that someone had sent.  Don't know who in my family opened it.  Don't know who sent it.  Doesn't matter.  All I know is this:   It was April Fool’s Day and this WASN'T funny....

April Fool's Day is supposed to be a day to play practical jokes, FUNNY jokes, on those people who are unfortunate enough to have you in their lives.  There are several steps/criteria to follow when playing a practical joke on the unsuspecting....(and, we're talking about a GOOD practical joke, not the "Your fly is down" variety, though these steps may apply to lame jokes, too (See Step #3)....)…..You must first find a….

1.  Victim/Target:  This person can be close to you (preferable, because it makes step #2 easier) or could be only an acquaintance.  It's lots of fun to see how someone you don't know very well will react to your prank....always a little unpredictable, which is why you need to select someone who will be a....

2.  Good Sport:  It's not really funny to see someone burst into tears because you played a smarta** joke on them.  Nor is it funny to have to run from an angry “Bad Sport” with a baseball bat.  No, it is more fun to see a person laugh about the prank WITH you instead of taking a weapon TO you, which is why you should always have a....

3.  Test Joke:  This is a small joke (verbal or practical) by which you judge whether your "Victim/Target" IS a "Good Sport."  Throwing a fish stick at someone is not a good test joke; The joke should be funny - pick a good one.  If they don't shoot you a dirty look, a blank look or a hurt look, chances are that they might make a good "Victim/Target."  If they actually laugh at your test joke, they are truly great material.  (Unless, of course, they don't get your joke and are just laughing to be polite, whereupon they will turn to their neighbor the moment your back is turned to ask, "Did YOU get that?")  If they have played a practical joke on YOU in the past, even better, because you now have a bonafide, ready-made....

4.  Motive:  Why would you want to attack your Victim/Target in the first place?  Did he/she/it do something to you in the past (Revenge Motive) or is it just some unspeakable urge on your part to dream up something warped to hurl at a friend/relative who’s a “Good Sport,” just because you can?  (Personality disorder Motive)  Are you trying to get this person’s attention for some reason?  (Look at me, dammit, Motive)  Or, did the opportunity to prank present itself spontaneously so that you had to quickly choose your Victim/Target?  (Just HAD to! Motive)  In any case, you must tailor the motive and the Victim/Target to the…

5.  Actual Prank/Gag/Joke:  Make sure you make it personally applicable to your Victim/Target.  That’s all.  Sorry, I’m not going to fill you in on what to dream up on this one ‘cause I’m tired of trying to think up creative joke ideas, myself.  In fact, I’m going to ask YOU a question.   What is the BEST practical joke that you’ve played on someone?  Hit the contact page and write to me - let me know, because I have a couple of Victim/Targets to think of.  I’m serious!  I’m interested!  I want to know!  I want to plagiarize and steal your ideas!  Write me! 

Just don’t send me any Taiwanese Word-macro documents, okay?  NOT funny…BAD joke....  =)

:~)  April