August 2, 2001  (Actually, this was written back in January and sent to some of my more evolved male friends.  They thought it was amusing; So, because I don't want to stress my little brain by writing a new Ramble, I thought I'd cheat and stick this one on the page.  Hope you enjoy, sports fans!)

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Going to a superbowl party this evening and it occurred to me that alot of men don't know what women like at superbowl parties.  So, I compiled a list for those of you who might not be "in the know," from a women's perspective....

 1.  Go get a bunch of messy, greasy foods like buffalo wings, nacho fixins' and greasy chips with Cheez Whiz.  (No crackers, just the Whiz.)  Absolutely no spinach dip should be evident.  Too healthy for the event.  Burp alot and throw the chips around during touchdowns.  Women Love this....shows a macho side of you that she doesn't get to see often.  Her heart will swoon...

 2.  Beer.  Cheap.  (No imports!)  In cans.  Or, in a keg.  No bottles. That might hurt too much when you crush them on your forehead.  The forehead can crushing shows your lady friend that you have a very muscular forehead.  Verrrryyy manly, yes.....*grunt*  

3.  Sing "Who let the dogs out?" repetitively.  This shows that you are up to date on all the latest football inanities.  You are in the know about sporty songs.  Do this loudly while hugging your lady friend.  She'll Love the attention and the beer breath that comes with it....you are SUCH a stud-muffin....

 4.  At halftime, go over all of the plays from the first 2 quarters with your guy friends.  Your lady will be impressed with your knowledge of the game.  Assume your girl won't understand any of it and don't include her in the conversation.  She really enjoys fixing stuff in the kitchen at this point, anyway.  Yell that you need another round of fixins and beer.  This lets her know that she is needed by her man.  She'll be happy to oblige and will get these items to you very, VERY quickly.  (Learn to duck and be especially vigilant if she was ever a pitcher on a softball team...)

 I hope this helps you guys impress your lady friends.  Please feel free to come to me anytime whenever you need a feminine perspective on things.  I'll be happy to set you straight.... 

(Now, some of you already think that I get into male bashing and I'm a "Girl unfair to Man."  Not so!  You see, I don't think that any of you know about the above football rituals....you are the evolved men on the planet.  Thus the lesson in proper football etiquette....) 

Have a good game and I'll talk to you later!  If you'll let me....  =) 

Your sports goddess,
:~)  April Kelly